12.00am – I have to say the bus terminal at Boston’s South Station is way more limited than I expected. This is a major city and the only thing open at the terminal is McDonalds and there’s no wifi – well unless a megabus or bolt bus rolls in, providing one with a 5 minute window to capitalize. It makes me wonder if as travelers our expectations are too high?
12.15am - I find it amazing how some people can sleep anywhere at anytime. This is a segment I like to call Greyhound Sleepers:
1.21am – Do you people not see me sitting on my suitcase, back against the wall with headphones in my ears? Why do you continue to pepper me with questions like do they have free wifi here? If I could find that out myself, so can you. I’m really, really tired. I wonder if it will be 3 days before I sleep again.
I imagine this must be what life on Survivor is like, except there’s no million dollar prize for the person who makes it through this challenge. I would totally be kicked off the island on day 1.
1.30am – Despite numerous spare power outlets around the gates, this guy continues to come over here and share mine. I continue to look down and avoid conversation. I really want to sleep on the bus to NYC, not get entangled in a never ending conversation that turns this shorter leg of the trip into the longest.
2.00am – Turns out most people catching the bus to NYC at 2am are teenagers going to the city for the day. I love the city but I’m not that keen.
2.05am – My plans to sleep are quickly abducted by a mad man dressed in black. But thankfully I’m not the focus of his attention; instead it’s the woman sitting in front of him that gets his undivided and unwarranted focus. I can’t stop watching.
Transcript follows:
Mad Man in black: ‘I’m going to Newark for a boxing tournament’ (his physique doesn’t indicate that he’s a boxer so I surmise that he’s going to watch and that he’s also taken a few beatings about the head; alarm bells would be ringing in my head now if I was this woman!)
Nice Woman: ‘That should be fun for you’ (she totally shouldn’t have engaged)
Mad Man in black (in seductive tone): ‘I have a hotel’ (I simultaneously pray she stays silent and wonder how this guy, who not to be mean, is punching well above his weight, can be so bold)
Nice Woman: Okay (bad move)
Mad Man in black (now leaning over her chair): ‘What’s your name sugar?’ (he doesn’t offer his but he looks like a Vinny)
Nice Woman: I’m just really busy now and need to focus on my work (nice, I like it)
Mad Man in black: I asked you what your name was (okay, fair point)
At this point I can’t reach for my iPod headphones quick enough, fearful that he’ll turn to me next at the moment he realizes he’s been rejected.
I think about Walton's quote that 'good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter' and acknowledge that the opposite, at least where I'm concerned, seems to be the case, but deep down that's partly why I chose this adventure.
This is where sleep deprivation takes over my body and I don't wake up until we arrive at Port Authority although I have vague recollections of being in Hartford, Connecticut, a destination not listed by Greyhound on my itinerary. Hallucinations already?
6.30am – There’s nothing quite like NYC’s Port Authority first thing in the morning. I need to brush my teeth as I’m sure this will help me feel less like I belong with the unwashed.
7.00am – I become increasingly confused over where I need to be to make my connection at 8am due to the lack of an illuminated departure board or in fact any type of signage instructing passengers on where to go. I see a tattered poster with locations and gates. Philadelphia, Gate 68. Good job!
7.05am – I’m not exactly brimming with confidence when I get to Gate 68 and see no one waiting for the bus. There is however a line at Gate 69 but the sign says Pittsburgh and Columbus.
7.10am - Greyhound staffer confirms I should be at Gate 69 and seems perturbed that I didn't deduct this. When I show him a ticket to Philadelphia, he concedes confusion is possible.
8.05am. OMFG. Greyound’s claim that the future has arrived is a lie. No power outlets or wifi exist on this bus. In fact there’s not even a tray table. Holy hell, I’m on this bus until 6.45am tomorrow morning. Not winning.
8.20am – As we make the approach to Newark’s Penn Station, a woman on the street gives the bus the bird. I feel her.
8.30am – We collect some passengers from Newark including one young hipster who is quite elated over the availability of the back row. ‘Yay, I can sleep,’ he declares. Glad someone’s happy.
9am – It has become quite apparent that the young hipster has no intention of sleeping as he’s not stopped talking on the phone since boarding. Ladies and Gentlemen – we have a new radio and this one is quite the wheeler dealer. I know this because I’ve just listened to him sell a broken game console for $150. He even offers to make a few games for the buyer.
9.20am – The young hipster tells his latest caller (and there’s been a few) that he has massive things going on in Manhattan, which is weird given this bus is en route to Philadelphia. I wonder if the massive things include a date with the NYPD or worse for selling defective merchandise and pirated games.
9.30am – I’ve eaten one of my chocolate chip cookies from Connick’s in its entirety. They normally last 2 days. I’m now bopping uncontrollably and weirdly in sync with Jennifer Lopez while I watch the American Idol performance show. This is going to be one hell of a sugar crash.
9.55am – I notice this bus is so old it doesn’t have a no smoking sign – instead it’s a hand written instruction.
10.15am – We let the bulk of the passengers off at Mt Laurel and even better, pick none up. As we go to leave, a woman yells at the driver ‘wait, my friend is in there’. The driver’s response: ‘your friend best be on the bus’. Love it.
10.16am – Missing passenger is safely on board and we’re off to Camden, New Jersey.
10.17am – I think someone just coughed up a lung.
10.34am – The woman who I suspect coughed up a lung wanders down to ask me if there’s anyone in the bathroom – which incidentally I’m several rows away from – I wasn’t aware that bathroom monitor was on my list of things to do today. Dissatisfied with my response, she asks the next person down who is much kinder than me and actually opens the door for her.
10.44am – We’re in Philadelphia, which does not have the most glamorous of transit centres. I have 10 minutes and I’m desperate for a power outlet and wifi. I find the outlet beside the Western Union desk – I imagine serial killers going from stop to stop collecting their victims wired money transfers.
Aha – a Greyhound wifi signal. Boo – they want $5.95 to access it. WTF?! So some buses have free wifi, others have none and now certain transit centers charge for it. A Martz bus pulls in and I find its wifi signal. Damn it wants a password. I go with Martz. Success!
11.10am – Back on the bus en route to King of Prussia – seriously must google this to determine where this name comes from. Wish I had wifi.
11.11am – Random passenger comes up to me and asks to use my phone. Not sure how he knows I have a phone but I decline, explaining it’s a pay as you go phone and I don’t want to waste my credit. He seems okay with this and returns to his seat.
1.55pm – Time seems to be flying and before I know it we’re in Harrisburg, PA, where we have 10 minutes to stretch our legs. A slight delay arises as I try to find my wallet. When I say slight, I mean less than two minutes. I go to leave the bus only to discover I’ve been locked in. I’m even more glad now that I have Paul Newman’s Lime Tequila Salsa as that now constitutes lunch.
2.30pm – 10 minutes has now turned into a much longer timeframe. Some girl is arguing about having to pay $40 to bring a piece of luggage on board. The bus driver says her only other choice is to leave it behind. This is not going to end well.
Adding further insult to injury, I’m the only person in the back corner who isn’t an aspiring truck driver on their way to truck driving orientation. As a good friend of mine always says ‘you can’t make this sh*t up. Seriously, truck driving orientation?
Mr Walton - there's company and then there's company.
To be continued......
Side note: King of Prussia got its name because of a tavern - http://www.kingofprussia.com/kophistory.asp
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